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Why people cannot walk away from their abusive partner?

Abusive partner

1.Why people cannot walk away from their abusive partner?

Breaking-up with a person you are in love with is easier said than done. But why do people still hesitate to break their ties with someone who treats them like dirt? Whether we believe it or not, people still tolerate their abusive partners for reasons only known to them. No matter how much counselling they take or decide to leave that person, some kind of unexplainable power (or the lack of it) makes them retreat their steps. Here are the stories of a few people who could not walk away from their abusive partner despite their best efforts.

2.​He does not mean it

“I have been with my boyfriend for five years and he is notorious for his short temper. There were times when he does not even realise what he is saying or doing in a fit anger but he does not mean it. Yes, I was physically hurt once or twice but it was all accidental. I had even contemplated leaving him when a situation turns out of control but I fell in love knowing his nature. I have to accept that.”

3.​I have a child; how can I leave him?

“I am married to an abusive man and I realised this only after being married for two years and when I was pregnant with his child. I thought I would petition for a divorce once my son grows up. Now that he is a 21-year-old young man, I don’t see the futility of moving away from his father with whom I have spent more than two decades.”

4.She is too immature to understand

“My girlfriend is seven years younger than me. She is not a violent person but can grow very withdrawn at times. There are times when she would not take my calls or avoid me for days. I would often catch her spending time with her friends during such occasions and when I question her about her behaviour, she simply shrugs it off. She does not understand that such behaviour drains me out emotionally. But then again when she turns ‘normal’, I fall in love with her again.”

5.Isn’t possessiveness a sign of love?

“When I started dating my boyfriend three years back, my mother had warned me that he is not the right kind of person for me. Today, when I look back I realise how right she was. My boyfriend turns very possessive when he sees me meeting other people and he regularly checks my phone and mails. The lack of space in the relationship makes me feel suffocated but I think such behaviour is normal because a person can turn possessive only when he or she loves you.”

6.What experts believe

“An abusive partner is like an emotional vulture who feeds on the other person’s feelings of fear, insecurity and sympathy. Some can be very manipulative too, thereby making it difficult for the other party to understand who is the victim and who is being victimised,” said Mansi Kumar, consultant psychologist and relationship expert. “However some abusive partners may not even be aware of his or he behaviour and how it affects the concerned person in the relationship.”

7.​Do not try to normalise or accept such behaviour

According to experts, a lot of victim start accepting the behaviour of their abusive partner for various reasons—emotional, societal pressure, sympathy etc. “Once you start believing such behaviour to be normal, you could never walk away from that relationship,” said Kumar. Remember, a partner need not merely be physically abusive to cause pain, he or she can do that both mentally and emotionally.

8.Try talking; seeking help

Try talking to your partner about your concern. If he or she refuses to listen to you, you should try seeking help. You can also share your concern with your family and a trusted friend. A lot of abusive partner can behave so because the victim becomes isolated. You should also try taking help from professionals to help your partner understand the issue.

Source – TimeofIndia


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